FunnyIndian.com: Indian Comedian / Desi Comedian Rajiv Satyal

Day 478/-254: Friday, January 4, 2008: Whatever Kind of Food You Like

January 24th, 2008

Here’s a question that probably affects Americans’ lives more than politics because the USA stands not for Freedom but for Consumption: What defines fast food?

We had a battle last night about this one, after a seemingly innocent question: What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? My default restaurant (like a default printer, as my friend Matt Leach once said) is Wendy’s. Sure, as a kid, it was McDonald’s - whose wasn’t?

But when I said that I also loved Subway (which is pretty obvious from how much I talk about it in my act), my brother Vikas adamantly rebuffed this as a fast food restaurant.

A few of us made our impassioned diatribes known, debating whether Subway, Quizno’s, Jimmy John’s, and other restaurants of that ilk indeed qualified. It was true comedy when we asked Mehul, our friend from Chicago whom we had just picked up, what his favs were and he stated, without missing a beat, “Subway or Quizno’s.”

So, what’s the deal? What defines fast food?

• Generally unhealthy offerings like burgers and fries? McDonald’s. Yay. Burger King. Yep, sir. Wendy’s. Yes’m. Taco Bell. Si. (Not burgers and fries but the equivalent.) Pizza Hut. Affirmative. Arby’s. Feels like it. Long John Silver’s? I think people eat there once a decade but ay-ay-matey. Rally’s. Yep. Hardee’s. Hate that place but indeed. What about Starbucks? You don’t think of it as fast food - and it’s mostly beverages - but boy are they unhealthful. KFC. Yes, y’all. Subway? Nope. Hmmm…

• Chain? Yes, across the board.

• A drive-thru? Do all of those places have drive-thrus? Not Pizza Hut. And neither does Subway. Strike two.

• Value pricing? All of those places have this. Maybe not Pizza Hut - unless it’s in one of those combo Taco Bell-KFC-Pizza Hut places.

• Ordering at a counter? Check to all, including Subway and Pizza Hut (sometimes).

• Quick service? Well, define “quick” but yes.

In fact, this last one leads us down another path, at least nominally. There was a time when the dichotomy was quite clear - you had higher-end, sit-down restaurants and then you had QSRs (quick service restaurants). But with the advent of places like Chipotle and Panera Bread, this line became blurred.

So, it would appear that Pizza Hut isn’t - it and other pizza joints are likely more in this mid-tier (which I guess has been around). And I guess I have to concede defeat on Subway.

In conclusion, here’s my definition:

A fast food restaurant is any quick-service chain establishment that inexpensively offers generally unhealthful foods like burgers & fries either For Here or To Go.

Let’s cross-check that against Dictionary.com and Wikipedia:

Dictionary.com: “food, as hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken, that is prepared in quantity by a standardized method and can be dispensed quickly at inexpensive restaurants for eating there or elsewhere.”

This focuses more on the food itself vs. the establishment.

Wikipedia: “Fast food is the term given to many foods that can be prepared and served quickly. While any meal with low preparation time can be considered to be fast food, such as TV dinners, typically the term refers to food which is cooked in bulk in advance, kept warm and sold from an outlet.[dubious – discuss]”

Note the “dubious” distinction.

As far as my definition… it’s meaty yet efficient. I’m lovin’ it.

Entry Filed under: A Comic's Journey