FunnyIndian.com: Indian Comedian / Desi Comedian Rajiv Satyal

Day 533/-199: Wednesday, February 28, 2008: How Stupid Am I? (written 9/29/08)

September 30th, 2008

How stupid am I?

This is a followup to a previous blog post entitled How Smart Am I? in which I “discovered” I’m an 8/10, giving myself a rating based on Gardner’s Theories of Multiple Intelligences.

I’ve always said that geography is my weak suit. I mean, I have a great sense of direction and can generally remember directions but when it comes to pedagogical, non-practical knowledge, I’m nonplussed.

In fact, my new manager just asked me what I know a lot about b/c I told her I wanted to be a TV host. Well, I already am and have hosted TV shows but I mean one on a major broadcast or cable network. So, she asked me what I knew and liked to talk about. Well, I know Politics, Sports, Engineering stuff (like How Things Are Made kind of things), Comedy, Music, and Movies.

Things I don’t know are Trees, Wines, Dogs, Flowers, but above all else (or under it all), I know virtually nothing about geography.

They say that Americans start wars so they can learn geography.

“I can see Russia from my backyard,” as Sarah Palin said, implying she was ready for the world stage. I’m not, but I never claimed to be.

I may not even know in which direction to look.

(Btw, I don’t think Palin is stupid. She’s just in over her head. I can’t do brain surgery but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb. I just wouldn’t place myself in the operating room. (And you can’t blame her for taking the job - I’d do it just to make history, tho I’d hope I’d be patriotic enough to realize I’d destroy the country if elected.) Everything I know about it I learned from Spies Like Us.)

So, anyway, I gave myself a self-styled geography test, meaning that I Googled and found a site called World Atlas. I did horribly, as predicted.

I gave myself points for being able to match the country name w/ the land mass.

I gave myself props for just being able to name a country on the map but not associate it w/ a land mass.

Here are the results:

Continents & Oceans: 11/12 (named 11/12)

North America: 5/11 (named 9/11)

South America: 6/15 (named 13/15)

Europe: 17/48 (named 37.5/48)

Asia: 30/47 (named 33/47)

Oceania: 2/14 (named 3/14)

Africa: 3/54 (named 12/54)

Caribbean: 3/13 (named 6/13)

Analysis:

Continents & Oceans: OK, so I knew there was no Antarctic Ocean but I didn’t know it was called the Southern Ocean. Then again, neither did you.

North America: I was actually proud of myself for naming all but 2. I should’ve remembered Nicaragua and El Salvador by name especially b/c of Manuel Noriega and Clueless, respectively.

“You know I don’t speak Mexican.” “I a-not Mexican!” “What was that all about?” “Luci’s from El Salvador.” “So?” “It’s an entirely different country.” “So what does that matter?” “You get mad if somebody thinks you live below Sunset.”

South America:

Not horrible and in retrospect I should probably have weighted these… like if you don’t know which country Brazil is, you’re just straight-up stupid. But thinking Equador is in Central America, as I did, doesn’t quite qualify you as a moron.

I missed French Guiana b/c while I thought of both Guyana and French Guiana, I didn’t realize they were two different countries - that too, spelled differently. And who the heck knows about the Falkland and Galapagos Islands? Guess the Falklands are to S. America what Madagascar is to Africa.

Europe:

I wasn’t actually too disappointed w/ my European score. I know 17/48 doesn’t sound amazing, but I didn’t miss any glaring ones. I scored a half-point b/c I didn’t realize it was Serbia AND Montenegro. I also forgot about Belarus, Moldova, Macedonia, Albania, Slovenia, San Marino, Andorra, Malta, Cyprus, and Azerbaijan.

Asia:

I rocked this, all things considered. I mean, nailing Laos, Thailand, and Cambodia is pretty boss. And for the most part, I know the Middle East. Of course, I’m probably the only person alive who thought Vietnam was an island. It was pretty boneheaded to miss Malaysia and Indonesia. The Stans really tripped me up. I also didn’t get Qatar - I thought it was Dubai - didn’t realize that’s not a country. I guess Abu Dhabi isn’t either, then. I forgot about ol’ Bahrain, which is sad b/c I remember getting out of the plane when I was 9 just so I could put my foot down in a new country. And what the heck are the Maldives? I thought that was Ceylon. Bhutan I was at a loss for. East Timor had me flummoxed but I should at least have named Brunei given that its Sultan owns the Beverly Hills Hotel, at which I had a drink last week w/ my Dad, uncle, and uncle’s wife.

Oceania:

Hey, at least I knew the continent is Oceania and the country is Australia. Good enough. I knew Fiji was in there somewhere but I never had to visit the plant during my stint at FIJI Water.

Africa:

Oh, boy. Or “brother,” rather. This is what’s wrong w/ the American education system. Yeah, blame that. But I will. I mean, 3 out of 54?! Since when does Africa contain the most number of nations? THAT’S its problem. Well, that and everyone robbing her blind since the dawn of time - or 4,000 years, whichever is longer. Pretty sad that I completely missed naming Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Senegal, Mali, Guinea, Sierra Leone, Ghana, Cameroon, Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda, Zimbabwe, and ETHOPIA - didn’t I pay any attention to We Are The World?

Caribbean:

Never been - that’s my excuse. Who the heck knows that St. Kitts and St. Lucia are countries? And where are the US and British Virgin Islands? I knew Haiti and the Dominican Republic and I know from 7th grade that they make up the Hispaniola. You know what, Caribbean? Assign yourself to a continent and then we’ll talk.

So, there you have it. I’d love for my friends to take a similar test and see how they do. I know I know this stuff better than the average person (from Lake Wobegon*) but how would I do vs. fellow smart people?

*Is that in Wisconsin?

Entry Filed under: A Comic's Journey