The Long and Short of It

The Short

2010 has been a big year for Rajiv Satyal. Here’s a partial list of what he’s been up to: Hosted Jack Nicholson’s 73rd Birthday Party. Got booked to do the Oscars next year. Mutated into Drew Brees and led the Saints to their first Super Bowl ring. Had a threesome with Jessica Alba and Nicole Scherzinger. Got knighted. Cured cancer. Proved that pi repeats. Captured and killed Osama bin Laden. Landed on Venus. Performed brain surgery on self, thereby allowing use of 120% of brain. Discovered Unified Field Theory. Ate 8 saltines in a minute. Got own statue on Easter Island. Made Chuck Norris cry. Sailed thru the Bermuda Triangle. Folded a piece of paper in half 13 times. Derived Euclid’s 5th postulate from the other four. Built that waterfall thing and held a seance to show MC Escher how it was done. Got MC Escher his own hip-hop recording contract on Cash Money Records. Figured out how a raven is like a writing desk. Brokered a peace deal between the Palestinians and Israelis. Proved the existence of God. Disproved the existence of God. Ate own weight at Godfather’s pizza. Prevented the destruction of the Universe by inventing and inserting a widget last-minute inside the new particle accelerator in Geneva. Found Jimmy Hoffa – he was a little groggy. Would love to tell you more but that’s Heidi Klum at the door. She left her thong here last night. (He typed this whole thing underwater. Or I did. (We’re the same person.))

OK, here’s the real one…

The Short

Rajiv Satyal is the small, bespectacled Indian humorist from Ohio whose witty, universal, and TV-clean act resonates with Middle America by covering everything from racial issues to soap bottles to his favorite topic – himself. This former engineer and P&G marketer has repeatedly opened for Dave Chappelle, Kevin Nealon, Tim Allen, and also for Russell Peters in sold-out theaters across the U.S.A. He has performed everywhere from Boston to Bangalore and has been featured in The Wall Street Journal and The Los Angeles Times. This LA-based pocket pundit challenges people to see a new point-of-view. Most of all, he talks about what it’s like to be Rajiv. And we all have some Rajiv in us, even if we don’t want to admit it. You can find Rajiv regularly performing at the Laugh Factory and Improvs in Los Angeles, acting in commercials, doing improv, on TV, on XM and Sirius Satellite Radio, admiring himself on his Funny Indian Fan Club on Facebook, and on www.funnyindian.com, where you can view clips, read his blog, and subscribe to his rants.

The Long

Rajiv Satyal — The Funny Indian

Your High-Brow, Fun-Size Comedian

Rajiv Satyal is the small, bespectacled Indian humorist from Ohio whose witty, universal, and TV-clean act resonates with Middle America by covering everything from racial issues to soap bottles to his favorite topic – himself.

Rajiv was born and raised near Cincinnati, Ohio. Unlike most comics for whom tragedy + time = comedy, he’s just a little guy with a lot to say. His childhood was a blast, given his fun-loving parents and his hysterical brothers. He became funny in 3rd grade, influenced by his uncle and a friend who insisted he’d never make laugh. His interest in entertainment was likely subliminally influenced by the hobbies of his family: his Mom, a singer; his Dad, a DJ, one brother a singer, writer, and actor; the other a sportsman and speaker; his aunt, a painter and poet; not to mention his Dad’s family’s making of Bollywood films.

Despite sprouting a moustache in elementary school and not breaking 100 pounds till his senior year in high school, he somehow glided through childhood without being picked-on. A friend would later comment, “Sounds like God picked on you enough.” Rajiv wanted to be Class Clown, but the guy who won was on the 5-year high school plan, so he had to settle for being Class President. A dork who managed to have cool friends, his 11-year Perfect Attendance record was solely driven by not wanting to miss out on a day’s worth of stories.

Rajiv went to college and noticed, for Indians, the part of the form that allows you to choose your major was grayed-out to “pre-med.” He finally graduated in Materials Engineering, which he figured was good for, well, material. While in college, Rajiv dabbled in everything from politics (interning on Capitol Hill in 1999) to comedy (winning The Funniest Person in Cincinnati amateur contest). Rajiv ironically “got serious about comedy” in 2002. In June 2005, he won The Funniest Person in Cincinnati contest in the semipro/professional division on his first try.
Upon graduation, he worked at the world headquarters of Procter & Gamble, in the purchasing, media, and marketing departments. He performed (and still does) at many P&G and other corporate events and had his own column in P&G’s Home Made Simple newsletter, which reached 15 million US households. Occasionally, Rajiv was seen doing actual P&G work.

He has since opened for many nationally-renowned comics, including Dave Chappelle, Kevin James, and Kevin Nealon. Rajiv has opened for Russell Peters in sold-out auditoriums across the U.S.A. In fact, in December 2006, an Indian newspaper asked Russell to name “comics to watch” – he named only two in the States; Rajiv was one of them.

Rajiv was often heard on various Cincinnati radio stations, seen in many local newspapers and magazines, and found onstage regularly as an MC and a Feature act at Midwest comedy clubs and colleges. Rajiv turned 30 in March 2006, at which point he freaked out, realizing that while he had done all he could do to gain unique experiences in Ohio – from selling knives to telemarketing to being a tennis ball boy – he had still lived in OHIO his whole life. So, he packed up and moved to LA and is now a full-time comic. Rajiv is in the rare position of hoping he makes it in entertainment so he doesn’t have to go back to that six-figure gig with health benefits and job security.

This pocket pundit is a comedian who stands on the fringe of what is acceptable and challenges people to see a new point-of-view. You certainly don’t come to Rajiv’s shows to escape – you come to experience. Because he was raised when the anthem of the time for minorities was assimilation, the Indian influence had very little impact on his life. Now, he is trying to get in-touch with his roots, if for no other reason than to deliver for the Indians and non-Indians who expect him to be more “Indian” – even though he’s really just an Ohioan. And to be able to explain that Indians were not involved in 9-11 – just 7-11.

The act takes the audience on a journey, while conveying a key message of diversity, which helps to break down stereotypes: We’re all different and we’re all the same. Rajiv thinks that with each person who learns to assume the best about others, we can make the world a better place. Sound lofty? It is. Can he do it? We’ll see. And in case you’re wondering, he did make that 3rd grade friend laugh. So, Rajiv thinks he can do anything. At the end of the day, he talks about what it’s like to be Rajiv. And we all have some Rajiv in us, even if we don’t want to admit it.

You can find Rajiv acting in commercials, doing improv, on Bill Bellamy’s Who’s Got Jokes?, XM and Sirius Satellite Radio, co-headlining the Hindu-Muslim comedy tour “Make Chai Not War,” and online managing comedic content for DesiYou.com, admiring himself on his Funny Indian Fan Club on Facebook, or at http://www.myspace.com/funnyindian and www.funnyindian.com, where you can view clips, read his blog, and subscribe to his podcast (also available in www.iTunes.com).

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Rajiv’s POV

The Industry always wants to know what an entertainer’s point-of-view is. To me, it’s the same as asking, “If you had the world’s attention for one minute, what would you say?” Here goes.

Well, the problem is that we laugh when we should cry and cry when we should laugh. We spend so much time worrying about the little things and we sweep the big things UNDER THE RUG because they’re too painful – and it’s the big things that are going to kill us. Honest debate is dead, because people have become too touchy. And if our business, religious, and political leaders (still) lack the courage to challenge people to get out of their comfort zone, then maybe a comedian should.

So, here’s what I can do: I can show myself to you as honestly as I can and hopefully being myself will inspire you to do the same.

And here’s what we can all do together: for the little things, in the absence of information to the contrary, assume the best. The next time somebody cuts you off on the highway, presume he’s got a good reason, so instead of getting mad, yell “Good luck!” That’ll scare him more than the finger would – nothing is more threatening than peace, love, and understanding. And you should laugh it off anyway – that’s what we do when stuff like that happens in the movies.

For the big things, seek to find the truth – about the world, about that which is different, and especially about you: Be yourself… if you can find him. (Or her.)

Most of life’s answers are simple, but the context is complex, so there’s a lot of ambiguity. Therefore, temper your stances. Of course, everything in moderation – even moderation.

Why am I the guy to deliver this message? I can tell you to lighten up because I weigh a bit over a buck. And I can connect and bring people together because an Indian from Ohio is as centered as it gets: from the middle of the country and the middle of the color spectrum. I’m not black or white. Brown is the new gray. And I’m here to pull that rug out from under you.