Get the title, then?

I’m pinch hitting - not BATting.

But that first criterion is kind of something you take for granted.

Till this article from the Onion.

Kudos to my friend Bel. And I’m glad she said it’s self-applicable before I could.

Like everyone, I’m worried about how the rest of the world is sucking resources dry. Morally, it’s hard to root against that - after all, more and more people are being pulled out of poverty and so now that they have money they can afford to eat, drink, drive, and buy stuff. This is good for them - and Zakaria shows how it’s good for us, too.

I’ve been in a long-term state of depression over the future of this country and if you are, too, that article might make you feel better.

That was a major departure from the usual format of news, shows, and funny stuff I saw for the month.

Feel free to leave a comment.

COMING SOON to this space is an explanation of what that was. For now, just think about it for a while. I know I did.

“There will be a rain dance tomorrow night. Weather permitting.”

One of my other favorite things is realizing that no matter how old I get, I’ll always look like a kid.

And I checked whether this is real - it is. Not that I guess the source matters - these things are true in absolute. Favs are #2, 4, 8, 13, and 22 (bolded below).

It’s not the type of thing Jeff usually send out. Heck, he’s hardly ever on email. But glad he took the time to flip it over… good life stuff and appropriate from him, given that I’ve known him since 6th grade… hard to believe that was 10 years ago. Heh.

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on by Regina Brett Sunday May 28, 2006, 10:13 AM

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

1. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

2. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

3. Pay off your credit cards every month.

4. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

5. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

1. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

2. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

3. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

4. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

1. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

2. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

3. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

4. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

5. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

6. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

7. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

8. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

1. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

2. The most important sex organ is the brain.

3. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

4. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

5. Always choose life.

6. Forgive everyone everything.

7. What other people think of you is none of your business.

8. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

9. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

10. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

11. Believe in miracles.

12. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

13. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

14. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

15. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

16. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

17. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

18. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

19. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

20. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

21. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. The best is yet to come.

24. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

25. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

26. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

27. Yield.

28. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:

rbrett@plaind.com, 216-999-6328

It IS funny but the internet is such a barren, jaded, insidious place that I was expecting, in fact hoping, that the older sibling would slug Charlie or throw him off his lap.

Kinda reminds me of that scene in Wayne’s World:

~

“I got laid off today. You know what I want to do?”

“Yeah, I know what you want to do. Find the guy who did this, rip his still-beating heart out of his chest, and hold it up to him so he can see how black it is before he dies.”

“Actually, I was thinking about filing a grievance with the union.”

“Well, the world’s a twisted place.”